We can't save everybody. When we try, we fail. Once we know that, we begin to say "no" more and set boundaries so that we can focus our efforts on those close to us (priorities) and those we choose to help (in my case, my clients and agencies to which I donate money and sometimes time). Sometimes this pisses people off because they aren't used to hearing "no" or expect us to say "yes" for whatever reason. And, none of this has to do with us. Yes, we are all connected. And yes, it is important to support each other. And of course, there are many sad stories out there. But it is equally important to allow people to have their own journey and to not enable them so that they do not have to experience pain or discomfort because without that pain or discomfort, life lessons are missed. That is, each time we enable we take away someone's learning opportunity. And this too, pisses people off because it's uncomfortable and not what some want. It makes people be responsible and accountable and take a deep look at themselves. This doesn't mean we don't care or don't have compassion, it actually means we do... That we allow people to experience their own life in a way they can grow. We can still be there for them, but not by taking away the discomfort or pain, but by holding space for their journey, by loving them unconditionally, by listening, and if we know them well enough, by gently planting the seeds of change as they are ready for them. To me, this is what it is to be a helper, to care, to love, and to hope.
This blog is for information only. Reading this blog or interacting with it is not medical advice and does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. This blog is not a substitute for mental health care. Please be sure to seek out mental health care as needed.